Keeping Up With Life

we-are-knight:

wearebeguiler:

wearehealer:

Not in my opinion. You are absolutely allowed to do things you enjoy, even without your loved one. Part of a healthy relationship is still keeping some sense of independence - no matter the physical/mental/etc state (barring extreme circumstances that require you to be there RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW, of course) of your S.O. Y’all don’t always need to be tied at the hip, and you don’t need to put your life and other loves on hold for them.

It just means you need to plan these things ahead of time, but… honestly, that’s something you should be doing in a relationship anyway.

Hey @we-are-knight, as the spouse of a disabled person who enjoys doing some things she can’t do you wanna chime in here?

Okay so

Beguiler, my now-wife, is disabled.

She doesn’t seem it most of the time, but when her disabilities play up, it’s very obvious.

I am physically active, don’t easily get sick, and while I can get overwhelmed by people and crowds it’s very specific. Beguiler occasionally cannot walk, she cannot deal with stairs much, and she has next to no immune system. She gets very easily overwhelmed by crowds and cannot cope alone.

I think for the Anon here, I’ll focus on the first thing: I’m physically active. I compete in fencing, I’m in the world rankings for steel longsword. Beguiler once did Rapier, and may again, but for now she’s nowhere near ready to try again. So if I do fencing, I either have to leave her at home to go off and do my hobby, or bring her along to something she cannot become involved in.

I very rarely miss sessions however, unless she is feeling very ill or needy (ie: too much people exposure), because even if I am doing something she cannot, she encourages me to do my hobby because it makes me happy, and she enjoys seeing me happy. Likewise, when I compete, she encourages me to do so, and cheers for me. And when she does things she enjoys, I encourage her, regardless of what it may be.

You don’t have to share in all your hobbies with your partner. What is more important is that you can do them, while knowing that by doing things that make you happy, your partner is happy for you. And that when they do their own hobbies, you can encourage them in turn.

If you enjoy hiking, you don’t have to feel like a bad caregiver for doing hiking while your partner does something else. When I fence, Beguiler often reads. We both do something we enjoy, often within about 50 yards of one another. If you want to go hiking, maybe your partner can read, play games, etc. You time doesn’t have to be only you going off to do an activity, even if your activities are separate.

Caregiving isn’t one way, either, though it often can feel that way. You are meant to enjoy caring for a person you love, and still have some freedom for yourself. Some days you might need to skip hiking: that’s fine, you will be able to go next time. But don’t forget to allot some occasions for yourself, so your SO, who loves you, cannot encourage you to enjoy your own activities. Occasionally, giving them the agency to encourage you is very important to them.

TFW you followed a Tumblr for totally different reasons but they pop up with something unexpected that is 1000% relevant to your life and you kind of love them a little bit for it.  (…But not in a creepy way.)